Paris Fashion Week Fall Winter 2014: Horrors

Are you kidding me with these? I don't think I've ever seen so many sandals on a Fall Winter runway as I have this season. Unless that bottom part is a flotation device that will allow me to walk across water, these aren't even good sandals! (Celine)

What is that thing? The thing with legs. Manish Arora's show featured at least three of these. Are they body pillow hoodie bears? That's a dream come true for people who've always wanted to turn their bean bag furnishings into fashion.

The skirt, shoes, and gloves of this Rochas ensemble all get a passing grade. The top, however, looks like a skinned teddy bear. If it were fitted at all, it would look warm and sensory delightful. This entire collection was beautiful but weirdly boxy.

It's not that these sneakers from Chanel are any more ugly than your average fashion sneaker. It's that it's a Chanel sneaker. How is this on brand? Actually, several designers from Marc Jacobs to Chanel sent sneakers down the runway. I can't get behind the idea of spending $500, or in the case of Chanel over $1000, on fashion sneakers. I know Chanel historically embraced mixing the super casual with luxury, but the sneakers combined with the supermarket setting smacks of the super rich masquerading as normal people. Is this Karl trying to cash in on the disgusting normcore trend?

 Then they made them boots. Ew. Hated it at Couture Week; hate it now.

See, masquerading. I swear Karl will slap those double Cs on anything.

Chanel wanted to go retro so they dug some sweats out of storage. Too bad they didn't get sweats that had been stored with moth balls.

This Chanel-style suit must have been hanging out in the same closet.

I'm hoping Chanel didn't find these glitter sweats in storage. I would hope that no one would keep them around. Perhaps they are from the dump.

The crotch. (Chanel)

Just give me a bedazzler, a geo-print scarf, blue leggings and some green tape and I'll get you this look in no time. (Chanel)

This is going to take a lot of pom poms. (Chanel)

For this one, I will only need a garbage bad and staples! (Chanel)

Do you remember gluing bits of crepe paper to paper plates using a pencil so it looks sort of flower-like? It's gone couture. (Chanel)

Sometimes, though, I got lazy and and just glued the crepe paper until I got bored. That could be a dress too, it seems. Had I known my pre-school work was so advanced, I would have gone into design. (Chanel)

If I could caption this, it would imply I could comprehend it. (Chanel)

In the event that your boobs and thighs run cold, Chanel has you covered. (Chanel)

Next season on Project Runway, Karl Lagerfeld challenges the designer to create clothes made from paper chains and the shredded remains of college bulletin board flyers. (Chanel)

Every woman needs green leather coveralls for when she is repairing her propeller plane before the big transatlantic flight. (Balmain)

Paco Rabanne knows that if you've worked hard on your abs, you need to show them off at every opportunity. Bam! Sheer windbreaker for winter.

Oh, Stella McCartney. These are the exact shade of mushroomy taupe that old people love. It does not help these look like anything other than an orthopedic sneaker. It gets worse! Stirrup pants!

Have you guys seen those cute Rainbow Loom crafts? They make adorable bracelets for kids. I'm not so sure they make great dresses (Balenciaga).

I think this is moving toward me, and I know this isn't a GIF. (Dries Van Noten)

Do you remember Lisa Frank? (Dries Van Noten)

This "naked dress" unzips easily so being actually naked is very simple. (Louis Vuitton)

This is more fun than a barrel of monkeys...wait. (Tsumori Chisato)

Has anyone ever heard of a liner or a slip? Anything? This would be less bothersome if so many celebrities weren't taking it as a style tip. (Valentino, modesty bar added)

When I was a kid, I had a comforter with the pastel version of this print. (Valentino)

I actually love this. (Minus the blurred nipple), this looks like the gel pen art on my Trapper Keeper. (Valentino)


The clear heeled boots will at least keep your feet dry from the elements. Of course, they are also portable hot houses. (Miu Miu)

Image source,


Jennifer Wells said…
I thought some of the fabrics were really lovely. What a waste.

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