The Horror: The State of Shorts

Granted, I'm not a big fan of shorts anyway. They ride up. They're too short. They're a beast to fit. Although I doubt even the most ardent shorts lover would be excited about these monstrosities.

Topshop is responsible for these.

It could be that these were meant for an activity I've heard of called "clubbing." I hear tell it is some sort of party atmosphere. My last party involved board games and cheese, but no one wore these. While I am not familiar with the clubbing, you'd think there would be a hundred better things to wear. Would you wear any of these? If so, where and with what?