The Horror: Shoe Thing
This is not an April Fools joke. These shoes (is that even the right word?) exist, and they exist in three colors. Cindy Says calls it "Egypt", but the ancient Egyptians were smart enough to not encase their ankles in leather when the sun was blazing at its hottest. I can't say the button toe stud fills me with feelings of security either. Endless claims these thong boots will make me feel sexy and mysterious, which must be the new hipster slang for sweaty and ridiculous.